we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
