you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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