I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
