I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
