So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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