You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
