I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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