I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
