Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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