you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
