I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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