any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
