i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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