Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
