Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
