I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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