I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
