love makes seman taste better
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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