All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
