he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize