White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
