STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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