dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
