so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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