How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
