You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
