Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize