All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
