She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
