We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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