seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And then my night got REAL pukey
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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