You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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