don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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