thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
