at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
