He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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