those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
