Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
