She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize