Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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