I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
