Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
