Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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