so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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