new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my being single is dangerous.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
