Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
