Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my shit smells like andre
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
