loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
