im drinking this country out of the recession.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
