i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
