I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize