so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
