i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
