It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh god it's open bar.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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