my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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