I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
