That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
