Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize