well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize