I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i came on her dog
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize