thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
