you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
