Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
