Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
