Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
