His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
