Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize