My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
they need to just BURY HIM!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
