No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she peed on how many people?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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