So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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