problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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