My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
