i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
