sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
