i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
