I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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