Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
