I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
