How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
