God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
