i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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