is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize