He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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