i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
