If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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