i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
