My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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