i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
