Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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