so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's blow job season.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
