Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
birth control should be required to get into college
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
