i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
