what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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