Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
