how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
