Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
