I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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