I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
